What not to write in your weekly column

Once upon a time, I was paid actual money to write a weekly newspaper column. It was for a small newspaper in my hometown. It was a humor column.

For no reason than sheer nostalgia, I went back to read a few of my old tomes recently. I found this one to be quite entertaining.

For the record, this was written in 1999 after the local hospital downsized my mother out of a…