Now THAT is some Hillbilly Sh*t
The cruel irony in being a Hillbilly is no matter how educated or worldly you become, your brethren and sisteren are always there to remind you you’re only a cousin once or twice removed from some Hillbilly Shit.
Mind you, Hillbilly Shit isn’t just a flippant term that applies to any action or activity that is silly, dumb or irresponsible. We mountain folk insist that anything labeled “Hillbilly Shit” must pass several litmuses … litmi … tests or we will not allow the act in question to earn such a label.
We’re ironically proud of Hillbilly Shit as it is only Shit that could be performed by our nearest and dearest: a Hillbilly.
The Cliff’s Notes version of Hillbilly Shit is it has to have 3–4 layers of stupidity to it. And it should be something only believably pulled off by someone from them-thar hills.
As it happens, the first week of 2025 provided a perfect example of something one might think is Hillbilly Shit. (It is, for sure, but there are several layers that will help illustrate my point.)
Just prior to the Christmas holiday, 49-year-old Hobart Buttery was arrested in Laurel County, Ky., for allegedly stealing a weed eater. It was taken from the porch of David Westerfield, Laurel County’s Judge Executive. For those who do not know, a County Judge Executive is essentially the chief executive officer of the county. It’s akin to being mayor, but of the whole county, not just one city in it.
Now, for the non-initiated (sometimes referred to as “unworshed” by Hillbillies), any number of factors in the previous paragraph might inspire one to say, “That’s some Hillbilly Shit.” But individually, most do not qualify.
The first item for consideration is the man’s name: Hobart Buttery. This alone, is not weird enough to be considered Hillbilly Shit. There are lots of men in the world named Hobart who are not, in fact, hillbillies. Mountain folk would also shy away from insulting the Buttery clan on the count of they can be mighty slippery in a fight. It’s hard to defend yourself against someone you cain’t get holt of.
So, we respect Mr. Buttery’s family name and only hope that he has a daughter or niece who marries into the Biscuit family from over on Greasy Creek. (Lord, please let her be named Rosy so she can be Rosy Buttery Biscuit from up Greasy. Amen.)
Next is the fact Mr. Buttery stole a weed eater. Again, this alone is not Hillbilly Shit. Lots of weed eaters are stolen in any number of cities and municipalities of all shapes and sizes. Sometimes people need a weed eater. Sometimes they need something to pawn for lottery scratch-offs, Boone’s Farm, meth, or whatever people who pawn stuff go buy.
While stealing a lawn care item from the porch of the County Judge may seem like the kicker to make this Hillbilly Shit, people steal from politicians all over the world. Hell, politicians steal less from each other from Canada to Katmandu. So, no. This doesn’t make what Hobart Buttery did Hillbilly Shit.
(The Canada in Pike County, Ky., not the country which we refer to as Canadia. Besides ours is kuh-NAY-duh, but you knew that already.)
The qualifier that turned the test solid redneck brown was the fact that Hobart Buttery stole the Judge’s weed eater off his porch in the middle of winter. Now THAT is some Hillbilly Shit.
And yes, my more sophisticated friends, that means if he’d done it in July, it would not qualify. In the middle of summer he could just say, “I needed to trim the yard and he wasn’t using it. I was gonna take it back.”
But ain’t nobody dumb enough to think he needed to borrow a weed eater when a winter storm warning was imminent.
So, congratulations, Hobart Buttery. You have most certainly pulled off some Hillbilly Shit.
The lesson to be learned here, my flat-lander friends, is that one must ironically think deeply before applying the Hillbilly Shit label to an act you simply find too odd for your city-fied lifestyles. I mean, what would happen if we let y’all just run around slappin’ Hillbilly Shit stickers on every dumb thing?
That would mean we’d have to let a good portion of you salad fork users in the club. Just because we’re Hillbillies don’t mean we ain’t discerning.
On a more serious note, local police officers shot and killed a man when they went to the wrong address looking for Buttery. The victim allegedly pulled a weapon on police when they tried to serve a warrant on the wrong house. That part of the story is no laughing matter. The accused and the victim where apparently friends. Buttery spoke to media after his arraignment to pay tribute to him. Poetically, that’s Hillbilly Shit, too.
