1 day agoIf You Ever Pass Jennifer Anniston on the Street …It was late in the day. Dusk in New York City. Summer of 1996 or 1997. I played the part of chivalrous friend and walked Erin to her apartment building. We were both from the same small town and got together a couple times a week to look out for…Celebrities4 min readCelebrities4 min read
6 days agoMember-onlyThe DarkIt happened more than once. She rose to go to bed. Turned off the TV. Turned off the lights. Left the room. With me still in it. It even happened after I brought it to her attention. The more I thought about that odd little habit of hers, the more…Relationships2 min readRelationships2 min read
Nov 15I hope this is good. But I want to go home.Comedian Tom Segura opened his 2018 Netflix special Disgraceful by saying, “I wish I was home right now.” His bit went on to suggest that everyone feels that way. “I hope this is good. But also, wrap this shit up. I want to go home.” The older you get, the…Travel3 min readTravel3 min read
Nov 13Member-onlyThe Catch-22 of Writing FunnyNote: This is a revision of a piece I allegedly wrote in 2007, but have no recollection of. It felt like it needed a facelift. So here goes: In my opinion, I am not an attractive person. Yet, for some reason, I seem to attract people. To panhandlers I look…Writing4 min readWriting4 min read
Jul 11Member-onlyWhen the world is against you …The next time I hear some Gen Z-er rattle on about having to be their authentic self, I’m going to slap the shit out of them. That way we can actually see the real authentic self. …Authenticity3 min readAuthenticity3 min read
Feb 26If I disappear …If I disappear one day, it won’t be that someone has killed me. Nor that I have killed myself. There will be no mystery. There will be no episode of Dateline or true crime podcast to binge. If I disappear it will be that I have reached my limit on…Society4 min readSociety4 min read
Feb 21Member-onlyA Little Personal Body … er … Auto Care Never HurtNOTE: I wrote a mediocre version of this in my weekly newspaper humor column in 1997. I’ve updated the mediocrity for 2023 because fuck that newspaper. I was sick. Guh. Not just sick. The kind of sick where you say, “I’m sick. Guh.” The cocktail of cough syrup, Benadryl and…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Jun 6, 2022Member-onlyFor a pain in the ass, back surgery giveth and taketh away“You’ll need to bring in your medical power of attorney document, just in case.” Not the words I was expecting to hear from the pre-op nurse just minutes after the neurosurgeon recommended a discectomy for my 17-year-old aching back. My brain went from “Oh shit! I have to have surgery!”…Humor6 min readHumor6 min read
Oct 28, 2021Member-onlyThe current truth of white angst for black sufferingIf a story begins with “From my perspective as a Southern white man …” it’s probably not worth reading. …Racism4 min readRacism4 min read
Sep 18, 2021The Truth About Meditation … Transcendental and OtherwiseThe juxtaposition is my favorite literary device. Perhaps because it embodies me in many ways. Or perhaps it embodies how I perceive myself. The stark reality is I am a middle class, white male from a very rural part of a Southern state. …Meditation7 min readMeditation7 min read
